The mysterious incident of the Cabin Boy overboard

            The train of events leading to the famous “Fall of the Cabin Boy” would remain fresh in the memory of all, if only it could impress on a clear mind. Unfortunately, such was not the case, being our minds, without exception foggy, to say the least. It is therefore necessary to nib clues here and there, to search brief visions in a vast lager haze, to obtain a decent reconstruction of what happened. Real and proven facts do exist, though.

1. We arrived at Horta, Azores, at 1600 of May 8 2004 after a 21-day long crossing
2. We woke up around 1030 of May 10 with a dreadful hangover

Anything happened between a. and b. can only be guessed.

As in every good mystery book, the smart investigator always need to understand what happened before the mysterious stuff. Was there blood? What were the motivation of the suspects? Who wanted to slaughter who?
The state of mind of the Cabin Boy and Co. might be reasonably guessed by the following entry, dated May 5, Nick’s birthday.

1900, 39º25’N, 36º02’W, calm, with traces of S wind. Overcast w/frequent showers, 319 miles to go. How could we manage to run 65 miles in the last 24 hours could be guessed studying the following data:

1. at least 16 tacks (being in the middle of a big Ocean, it’s quite a lot. Cadeau’s record)
2. 16 360º, among which a stunning performance of 6 in a single watch has been recorded by Amber and a gruesom 5-in-a-row by Harriet, all deep into the pouring fucking night;
3. 18 squalls with wind 5-25 variable between N to SE;
4. 417,184 waves, every single one coming from her peculiar direction, all shuffled nicely;
5. 4 games of wist;
6. 17 books read;
7. no sex performed;
8. 4 holes into the galley cover to accommodate pot-protectors;
9. infinite swearwords

Cadeau moored with the following list of stores aboard:

1. 3 tiny tobacco leaves were hidden under the chart table. First Mate CB was already thinking of smoking the halyards;
2. only alchool left was in a state of sanitary napkins;
3. 2 glasses of freshwater;
4. 1/3 of a gram of propane (in lighters, for the tanks dried a week before);
5. scarce flour and some dried noodles;
6. plenty of airport books;
7. plenty of various smells.

These facts, accurately reported, might give a hint to the state of mind of the actors. Let’s now see what other clues might throw some light on the greatest mystery that took place in Horta in the last century.

1. The whole crew has been reported swallowing rounds lager at Café Sport first and at Capitolio later, where some daring souls tried red wine as well;
2. Both liquids exercised a pleasant numbing effect, soon followed by excitement and liveliness;
3. Amber reminds that the crew has been kicked off the restaurant for being late;
4. Skip swears he has been refused a last 1-litre chop, therefore killing every chance for the Restaurant Capitolio to appear favourably in his memoires;
5. Food, although mediocre, looked great, especially because, as Harriet and Amber pointed out, none of us had to cook it or wash the dishes;
6. Bunch transfers to Café Sport for further rounds of lager approx at 2300 hours., finding the place lively and promising. Soon sailors are befriended, notably some Dutch (aiming at our ladies) and some Cecks from Prague already shattered. One Ceck is snoring loudly on his chair.
7. Bunch is kicked off Bar Sport and is forced to move operations aboard;
8. Soon Harriet finds better location for operation on Ceck boat, casually moored by our side: Operations are promptly and efficiently resumed;

From here on everything get more confused.

1. Skip swears Andy stormed dripping into cabin challenging south-china-harbour coolies in swearword effectiveness;
2. First Mate accused unknown suspects of sabotage, assault, violence and lack of politeness;
3. Harriet reminds observing Andy in the act of relieving bladder on the dock but slowly decreasing his inclination measured on the water during the process;
4. Amber clearly (sic…) reminds CB was testing gravity by tilting heavily waterbound.
5. No one saw any fall, but someone heard a splash;

Considering we all trust First Mate Andy, who convincingly repeated he was pushed, we must now search the criminal/s among the following suspects:

1. a drunken Chechoslovakian sailor
2. a crewmember
3. the hands of God (see Mexico ’86, Argentina vs. England)
4. the local lager
5. a passerby

To investigate a. we need to consider their general state. What is sure is that CB fell from the dock, and not from a vessel. Therefore it would be necessary for some of the Checks to jump from their boat to the dock and perform the mischievous push. Investigations showed none of the suspects could move from their seats. Or would have. They looked like teetotallers after a week-long inmersion in vodka.